5 things you MUST know before getting married

before you can begin your journey into marital life, you must have acquired some important skills to prepare you and help you weather the storms that comes with your new status.

Here are five important pieces of marriage advice that you need to know before you say "I do"
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!  Marriage Is the Final Frontier

Here are the things I think every single person should consider before they get married.

 

Most of the things I've learned (below) apply to both cohabitation and marriage, except this one: Getting married really is different than living together unmarried even for many years (maybe only Goldie and Kurt are the exception). It's not just the many legal and financial benefits of marriage,

Maybe it's the months of preparing for a wedding (and investing thousands in it) or the knowledge of how difficult (and also expensive) divorce can be that makes the commitment more ironclad, for both you and those around you. This is it. As soon as the wedding vows are exchanged, you're on a different, accelerated life path. Before, you were being nagged about when you were going to get married. Now friends and family will be asking when you're going to have a baby (a relationship- and life-changer on its own). Once you have that baby, you'll be asked when you're going to give the kid a brother or sister. Everyone's in such a hurry

 

Even if you're really ready for marriage and can picture the entire rest of your lives together, it's normal to wake up some days and think, I'm married forever and ever??" Everyone knows marriage is a big commitment, of course. But even when getting married is a natural step in your happy relationship, years later when you're more appreciative of the decades you have ahead of yourselves, you can be floored by how extraordinary it is to commit the remainder of your life to one person

 

! You're Not Just Marrying Your Partner, You're Marrying His or Her Family Too

You know the saying "We're not losing a daughter, we're gaining a son-in-law"? Well, it works in the reverse too: You're inheriting the obligations, stresses, and, yes, benefits, of a whole new family. You might get along superbly with your significant other's family now, but once you're married, they could transform into the in-laws from hell, because now you're cemented to your partner and they claim you as one of their own.

If you are the quiet sort of person who needs her space, but your husband's family is full of extroverts who don't really understand that perspective. That could cause a lot more grief than it should have, you should understand each other and mediate when necessary.I've seen couples on the brink of divorce over in-law issues rather than problems specifically between the couples themselves. So my advice would be for both sides to imagine each other's family at their worst and how you two might handle any issues before they got bigger than the both of you. And, to be fair, know that bonding with your partner's family at a deeper level and becoming the daughter/son/sister/brother they always wanted is another surprising perk of marriage.

 

 

!  The Little Things Matter a Whole Lot More

Use to think that the best test of whether you could live with someone else forever is to ask yourself if you could put up with his or her biggest flaw—or the worst version of this person—for the rest of your life. I still think that's a good exercise, since people become more themselves as they age—their desires, strengths, and flaws get sharper. If your partner is somewhat of a curmudgeon now, he or she will probably only become crankier and more stubborn as the years go by. Conversely, the best things you love about a person could hold you steady through the inevitable tough times.

But now I think that it's the little things you have to look for, because in the day-in/day-out of marriage, the little things add up. Little annoyances like a nail biting habit or leaving filled water glasses everywhere are really easy to overlook during a relationship when the bigger things—the way your partner makes you laugh or how beautiful you feel around him or her—attract your attention more. When we're "in love" we tend not to notice the small things that could drive you crazy months later, like hanging the toilet paper the wrong way.

 

On the flip side, it's also the small acts of everyday kindness, respect, and love that keep a marriage going. Romantic gestures like buying flowers or a surprise date out are great, but they don't hold a candle to mundane things like unclogging a drain or taking over child-bathing duty. Doing chores becomes sexy in a way you would never imagine.

 

! You Both Have to Change to Make the Marriage Work

The old adage that you can't change someone by marrying them still holds true. You shouldn't fall prey to "fixer-upper bias," and you probably don't want anyone to change you either. The truth is, though, you're probably both going to have to change or adapt, as a choice, to keep the energy and love alive.

 

The two biggest things are learning how to fight more productively and how to communicate in ways that might not be natural to you but make more sense to the other person. Gary Chapman, who literally wrote the book on what people should know before they get married, says that people have different "love languages" or ways they express and receive love best. I'm not naturally a "toucher" but am learning how significant just holding hands can be. It can take a long time to learn what your partner's silences mean (and don't mean), that grudges can kill a relationship, and how to adapt to the ups and downs that life is going to throw at you both

 

I think every couple should go through at least one really tough time together before they get married, just to see how the other person handles such things.

 

! it's a Constant Work in Progress

You might think once you've finally settled down you can relax and live happily ever after, but nothing can be farther from the truth. The years jumble together, and if you're not careful you'll easily take the marriage for granted. I didn't know it over the years, but I think the thing that's made the most difference for marriage is regular vacations and other traditions—things that force to take stock again in relationship and reconnect on a deep level. Just "being in love" isn't enough to make a marriage work.

Even after decades of living together, you'll be learning things about your partner, bit by bit, that might surprise you—or they'll suddenly change or have different priorities and needs ("Really, you want to become a scuba diver now?" and "How come you never told me you don't like olives?"). It's like a dance, and you both have to keep up with each other. But what a beautiful dance it can be.